Saturday, January 11, 2014
Somehow I never allow enough time to complete all the things I need or want to accomplish. I'm forever trying to cram everything into the few minutes I have before absolutely having to leave. Of course, I never allow extra time for heavy traffic, stopping for a train, or road construction. The result? Late once again. I truly want to be on time, I do hate being late, but I just have too many things to do (more than any other woman?) and never enough time. I don't like it when people characterize me as being a late person, never on time. And yet it's true and it's time I faced flat up to the truth of that.
Another aspect of my missing time gene, is that I fail to look ahead. I ran across someone a week ago already planning and decorating for Valentines Day the day after New Years. I just can't do that. Not because I don't have the time or resources, but because it seems like JANUARY to me, a time of blue, a time of quiet stillness, a time of peaceful reflecting. Not for romance, red, pink and white or candy. But for new beginnings, exercise and healthy eating. By the time I get around to feeling Victorian and romantic, Valentines will be a week away. This scene gets repeated from holiday to holiday and season to season. I long to soak and delight in the moment, or the season, or the holiday, and yet to do that means I'm again late for the next thing.
I was born slow. I move slow, think rather slowly, and react even more slowly. I savor, enjoy and contemplate things. This isn't wrong but it leads to a slow way of living. It surely doesn't keep up with the rest of our culture! The biggest stresses in my life are the words hurry, deadlines, time-to-go, we're late, are-you-ready-yet, have you finished? I can't hurry at store check-out, which causes stress to the folks in line behind me. I don't multi-task and have to think things through. I can't talk and do anything else at the same time...drive, cook, read etc. I get pushed, pushed and more pushed and feel out of step with life today.
I don't think I will ever change inside, as this is the way God made me. (My girls will nod in agreement here.) But my challenge to myself this new year is to work on peace. Planning and preparing ahead to create an atmosphere of peace and serenity, not hurry and stress. I am praying and know that walking hand in hand with God will give me the peace I seek. Things won't be perfect, but I'm hoping for less 'lateness' and more being on time. I'll let you know how things are working out.